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Good Morning, News: Goodbye, Affordable Housing? Good Riddance, Willard Romney! Hello, "Severe Onanists"!

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by Denis C. Theriault

In a mistakenly sent email griping about our "overly political mayor," the Zidell family's public relations guru lays out a plan for stepping away from a development deal with city officials that could help pay for millions more in affordable housing units in South Waterfront. The email also acknowledges the activists whose tenacity helped persuade city officials to backtrack on cuts in housing goals. It was sent to OPB... which passed the scoop over to the Oregonian.

Oregon's labor and progressive groups don't much see the point in waiting for legislators, in a politically choppy statehouse, to raise more money for schools and social services. So they've revived plans to ask voters, next year, to bump up taxes on large corporations and the super wealthy.

The governor's holding a presser at 10 this morning all about first lady Cylvia Hayes. Questions about the intersection between her public role and private work as a consultant—in light of recent, if complete, records releases—have only grown maddeningly more muddy.

AW, WILLARD! SAY IT AIN'T SO! Two-time losing presidential candidate Willard Romney—as unpopular as ever—is telling supporters he won't work at becoming a three-time losing presidential candidate next year. Seems wealthy Republican donors rejected him even before voters could.

And on the matter of one John Ellis Bush:“He should be ashamed. And I think people really need to know what type of person he is. To bring as much pain as he did, to me and my family, that should be an issue.”

(Pay someone a menial wage to) shovel your sidewalk,John Kerry! Or else!

Hey look! Human-caused climate change really is a winning political issue. Most Americans want to see action, according to a new poll—with two-thirds of respondents suggesting it could influence how they vote. More interesting/surprising? Half of self-identified Republicans also want the government to take steps.

Americans wouldn't be Americans (they'd be commie pinkos!) if they didn't spend so much. Consumer spending buoyed the economy at the end of 2014 amid a slight slowdown in what had been robust growth.

Russia would like to remind everyone that it still has long-range missiles topped with nuclear warheads. And that it's been making new ones even as a recession looms. In case that's news anyone can use.

“Get out of here, you lowlife scum!" John McCain found himself rather... angry... after protesters busted into a congressional hearing and heckled 91-year-old Henry Kissinger on account of alleged war crimes.

We can ban hard liquor on campuses, like Dartmouth's just done, if we're concerned about stopping rape and we somehow think it's just a byproduct of binge drinking. Or, again, men can just not rape. Which is already banned. And maybe they can also be punished for it when they do.

London's mayor is a terrorism expert! “If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally wankers. Severe onanists."

I'M NOWHERE NEAR READY TO STOP RETURNING TO THIS DEEP AND BEAUTIFUL WELL.


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